Papa

As I am getting older, obviously so are my parents. My father’s health is declining rapidly
these days and it has made me think about how long Lo will have his Papa.

Since the first time Lo was in his Papa’s arms, there has been a connection. The two not
only look alike, Lo loves his Papa. He asks about his Papa when he is not around, he
hugs and kisses him when he is, and when he leaves him Lo calls out, “I love you Papa.”

This past week, my father was in the hospital. He had a major surgery, and as a result
there have been some consequences to the procedure, and he has become increasingly
confused. During his stay at the hospital, Lo wanted to pray for his Papa — on his own
suggestion. He prayed that “Papa’s tummy was better” and that he would “see Papa
soon.” It broke my heart. I struggled with how much information to tell Lo about what was
happening to my father, and also struggled with not telling him anything at all. So I kept it
simple and so did Lo.

An unbelievable thing happened when my father returned home. As we drove up to
my parents’ house, Lo was so excited to see his Papa. We got to the door and Lo ran
straight over to Papa and hugged him, planted a big kiss on him, and told him he loved
him. Everyone was close to tears.

It is inevitable; there will be a day when I will have to sit down to have a discussion
about death with Lo. I will have to struggle with the sadness, anger, and grief of not only
myself but my little Lo. I know a few people who have done some creative things when
explaining death to their children. I have heard of having a family pet — such as a fish,
since they aren’t likely to live long — and using it as a chance to unpack the impending
loss.

I have come to realize that kids are very aware and know that things are happening even
when we think they don’t know anything. Lo knew his Papa was not feeling well because
I was honest. We spoke about Papa, we prayed for Papa, and when we saw Papa we
hugged him. When death happens to our family, I hope I can be just as honest and open
with Lo. Because he will know the reality, because his Papa will not be there anymore.

-Gray Mama

[image: cate james illustration]