Biting

So Lo is getting bit at school. His bestie has very few words and uses his teeth
and other objects to communicate his disdain and reluctance to share. What is a
mama to do?

Lo speaks about his playmate all of the time. He wants the same shoes; he tells
stories about how much fun the two of them have and how they “kick the ball.”
He also shares stories about how his friend bites him, and his response is, “It’s
otay, Mommy.” Which destroys me….

It’s not otay!

He is playing with a friend who hurts him often — and being the little boy that he
is, how does he understand that? His friend, whom he enjoys and who plays with
him all of the time, also hurts him. I am wondering if this is life, if this is a lesson
that is inevitable. Those we love hurt us at some point, no matter how much we
enjoy being with them. Maybe…but Lo is so little, can he understand what is
happening — that his friend has no words to express himself and is therefore

expressing himself physically by biting? Likely not, but why does he say, “It is
otay?” Why does he enjoying being with someone who is hurting him?

It worries me.

I think about who I have been socially through my thirty-seven years. As a young
child, I was easily led, whether that was by the male neighbours to the dark
corner of the furnace room to kiss, or by friends to their houses to look at all of
their toys. As I got a bit older, I followed further — I wanted to be friends with
the pretty girls, and experienced that feeling of being accepted but bullied at the
same time. It is this memory that haunts me as Lo experiences the high of having
a friend and the low of being hurt. And in the end, he says, “It’s otay.”

I don’t want him to get used to giving a lot and getting hurt. I don’t want him to be
the one who learns to accept that being hurt by people is normal and you cannot
trust anyone without being disappointed, over and over again. I am worried that
this experience with his little friend is setting up a lifetime of expectations — that
will inevitably disappoint him.

Does this cycle ever change?
Does pleasure always include pain?
Does being human always mean we will be hurt?

I know there are a million life lessons to come for Lo. I am hoping that the impact
of all of these lessons does not dim his light and charm, hold him back from
taking risks, affect his ability to love and be loved.

I hope I make it through…make it through each lesson. I do not want to
protect him from it all, but I do want to show him that I will always be there —
unconditionally. Even though I am sure I will disappoint him too.

-Gray Mama


[image: Biting My Fingers]