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Friday 3 May 2013

Shoot Gun



“Mummy! Mummy! A shoot-gun! A shoot-gun!”

Me running upstairs, tripping in the dark, scrambling to the closed door of my should-be-
sleeping child, fumbling with the doorknob — her screaming…

“A SHOOT-GUN! A SHOOT-GUN!”

“What? What is it, my darling, what is it?”

I scramble to the floor, holding her. She’s crying, I’m almost crying… What the hell is she
saying?

“A SHOOT-GUN!”

“A…what?” (I can’t believe what I am hearing.)

She is hysterical.

There do not appear to be any criminals in her bedroom.

Never let your child watch adult TV. Ever. No circumstances apply. Not even if it’s your
birthday, at midnight, and it’s one of those nights your kids just won’t stay asleep, and
you have a friend over who likes to drink with you and watch Breaking Bad on Netflix.
Even if you’ve attempted to put the child back to sleep, like, five times, and they refuse.
Suddenly saying:

“Okay, well, this is mummy time, so if you want to stay up then you have to watch
mummy TV on mummy time. Even if it’s BREAKING BAD.”

WRONG!!!

Months have gone by, but she hasn’t forgotten whatever it was for the thirty seconds
we let her watch before realizing we were being idiots and turned it off. She still has
nightmares/ hallucinations/ whatever-these-are.

The other night:

“MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY!!!”

Yelling crying terror.

“A shoot-gun came out of the wall!”

“What? A what? Where?”

She points to a very specific place above her head where she was sleeping.

“SHOOOOOT GUN!”

“You mean…a shot gun?”

“Nooooo! A SHOOT-gun!”

“Where have you ever seen a shoot-gun?”

“Remember that show…”

I’m flabbergasted and guilty.

Don’t EVER let your kid watch Breaking Bad.

And that is the lesson of the day.

-Drama Mama

P.S. If you want to really confuse them, let them watch The Bachelor for thirty seconds.

[image: Heisenberg by Simon Stratford]

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