The Gift Grinch

I am the most ungrateful gift recipient there is. I really only realized this when Cookie came
along. I’m not really truly ungrateful, but I have a hard time not being honest when someone
gives Cookie something I don’t want. When I was pregnant, I had all these plans to buy fair-
trade, toxin-free, made-in-Canada, organic, yadda yadda. That included, very importantly,
non-directed-play toys — blocks, balls, musical instruments, art materials, etc. And of course
we have all those, and of course very few of them are non-toxic or not made in China, and of
course when they were given to us I barely refrained from saying that we don’t really go for that kind of thing. But they were given with only the best of intentions, I remind myself.

So it’s Christmas, a time of year I dread for this very reason. Family members will give
inappropriate gifts (pink, princesses, TV characters), and I’ll say passive-aggressive things
like, “Cookie really has no idea who Bob the Builder is” (a lie since she’s watched the show at daycare), or “Oh lovely, pink. Gee thanks.” I am a bitch.

In an effort to avoid this ritual, my mother-in-law sends out exploratory emails well in advance, which I appreciate, but which inevitably I have no response for. Now that she’s retired, she gets most of her gift ideas from The View, which just stuns me, but whatever. Did I mention I’m a bitch? Bit of a snob too, apparently. Anyways, recently they featured a laptop for toddlers. So she sent the link and suggested that maybe my parents could buy the software since the gift was so expensive, but that they’d have to get the Level 2 software because Cookie was already too old (at two, mind you) for Level 1.

Okay, wait a second: what?

First of all, if a gift is too expensive, then don’t buy it. It’s not necessary.

Second, she’s already too old for a beginner laptop at two? No. Unacceptable.

Third, I actually recall seeing this laptop featured somewhere else last year. Specifically,
a “worst gifts of 2011” list from Parenting or some such fairly reputable source. Reputable on
this subject relative to The View, anyways. Mainly because it directs play, which in a two-year- old stifles imagination and doesn’t promote outside-the-box thinking and all that stuff.

I have not told my mother-in-law any of this. I’ve not responded at all, assuring myself that it’s
my husband’s responsibility to respond to his mother anyways, not mine. But mainly because
I don’t know what to tell her. I know it’s wrong, I know I don’t want this in my house, but I can’t
give her a good reason why, and I know that she’ll ask for one.

Part of the problem is that my husband wants to get her something like this. He works in
computers, and he wants her to be tech savvy, and he thinks it’s time to introduce her to
technology. I argue that she’s already swiping her way around her iPhones and telling us that she’s checking our email, so that’s more than enough for now. I’m afraid that’s not enough for him.

So I asked my Secret Mothers for advice. Someone mentioned that computers aren’t good for developing eyes. Raffi tweeted about problems schools in the States are having in classrooms that use iPads (no one goes outside anymore, they have to limit iPad time because that’s all kids want to do, stuff like that). I’m sure there are many studies and arguments that I could easily find, but I’m overworked and over-screen-timed myself right now, so I’m not that ambitious. I just want someone to tell me that I’m right and why.

At a party the other night, I ran into friends who kind of did just that. He works in computers too, and he said he was shocked recently when a friend asked him what Nintendo DS he should get for his one-year-old. He had gone into a tirade, explaining all the reasons he thought children shouldn’t be exposed to this stuff at all (creativity and eye sight among them) — ending with the fact that there’s no need since they’ll probably have no problem picking up on it when it’s time to learn. After all, he works at the forefront of computing, and even though he hadn’t seriously touched one ’til he was twenty-three, it hadn’t really been a disadvantage.

His wife mentioned that they go for brunch on Sundays at restaurants full of families, and see
tables and tables of children with their heads down, focused intently on their iPads. Sure, it
allows the parents to enjoy their adult conversations without interruption. But did they ever stop to consider that the lack of socialization and manners means their own children would probably have difficulty having their own conversations some day?

I’m not really an outside-the-box thinker myself, and I didn’t get my first electronic toy ’til I
was ten. (A Radio Shack blackjack game. Blackjack! Talk about inappropriate. Also, good for teaching math.) So I’m not sure how much of creativity is nature and how much is nurture, but I’m pretty sure this stuff doesn’t help. My argument to my husband is that some exposure is fine, but we know from the fights over the iPhone how easily “some” exposure becomes “all the time.” Do we really want to add that fight when we’re already fighting about food and potty and naptime? That worked. For now.

Today we worked on Cookie’s list for Santa. She asked for a piggy bank and cake. I’m happy with that list — perplexed, but happy. Maybe I’ll ask Cookie’s nan to fill the piggy bank with the money she would have spent on the laptop.

-East End Mama

[image: diy gift wrap]