Round One with Death

We have really wanted to get an animal of some sort in the house for some time now. Lo
really loves animals, and we have been talking about getting a fish to start off with. So
we went to the “animal store” and picked out the hardiest fish there was — as the staff
said — and brought the little red fish home.

We picked up all of the necessities and brought a beautiful bowl. Lo really enjoyed
watching it swim around the bowl, at some points kissing the bowl.

When we were thinking about naming the fish, Lo said strongly, “Fishes don’t have
names, they are just fish.” Fair enough.

During the first week the fish started to float on the bottom of the bowl. It was not coming
up to the top to get its food and was not splashing around as it once was.

On Day 7, the fish was dead.

One week, that’s it! I knew that in buying the fish, a talk about death would have to be
had, but I really did not think so soon.

Immediately I was on the web looking for the perfect thing to say to Lo, as I was sure he
was going to be upset that the fishy was dead.

I found this great website.  Here is what it had to say:

Use your own judgment when deciding whether to point out the absence of the animal
before the child notices — you may want to bring this up in the morning, if that’s when
usual daily pet routines begin.

A sample explanation might be:

Fluffy died last night. That means he’s not here today or anymore. It makes Mommy very
sad, and it’s okay if you feel sad too.

I waited for Lo to notice that the fish was gone. But he was totally ignoring the fish that
morning. He did not go up to the bowl as he had the past seven days. He just went on
with his business. I was getting anxious, so I told Lo I had to tell him something about
the fish, and I basically used the words suggested above.

Lo had a big frown on his face and began to slowly cry. We sat and hugged for a good
half an hour. Then he was fine. He was even talking about the fish to his dad later that
day and was able to explain that he was dead.

So round one with death…success!
Thank goodness for the web.


-Gray Mama

[image: fish by Maryam Sefati]