Lunch with an Old Friend

An old co-worker of mine was in town and called me at the last minute for lunch. “Sure!” I said. Twenty minutes later we were chewing kimchi and doing a twenty-minute round-up of the last three years of our respective lives. It was fun, and quick, and for a few minutes before we paid the bill LouLou allowed my friend to hold her.

Loulou is one of those babies who seems to make women yearn to be pregnant. She is that perfect age — she has a huge head, a round belly, a big six-toothed smile, and no words to argue with yet.

My friend — single, early thirties, climbing the ladder — says, “If this doesn't happen for me soon [squeezing LouLou’s thighs], I’m going to do it alone.” She was kind of joking...I think. She has always really loved her career — she will move, she will travel, she will miss family events — whatever it takes.

So I managed to not completely quash her dreams (and possibly our friendship!) by stopping myself before I said, “Don’t do that.” As in, don’t choose single motherhood. Don’t idiotically proclaim you will still be you, just with a baby! She of course is not an idiot. But I have been thinking about this little conversation since we parted ways — her to buy heels for a last-minute event and me to buy a rotisserie chicken for dinner. Why did I immediately want to dissuade her (maybe protect her) from motherhood? It wasn’t a very kind response.

Here are the reasons I have come up with so far:

·       Being a mother is hard.

·       Being a single mother is even harder.

·       Being a single mother with any semblance of a meaningful, respected career appears to be almost impossible (except for Sheryl Crow).

·       I think artificial insemination would be expensive.

·       And, perhaps, I think she likes her current life too much to really grasp what it is to give it ALL up. And without a partner — yeah, bye bye cocktail parties...

I really try not to scare women off of motherhood or giving birth, and luckily once again I caught myself today. But I am still left thinking: Why when a woman says that she is longing for a kid, and is even willing to go it alone, is my reaction not just simple joy for them?

Tightrope Mama

[image: Mom and Baby Giraffe by by Ashley Bridger]