Monday, 7 October 2013

Back At It

Motherhood is draining. I am tired. This is nothing new; I am not breaking new ground. But seriously, if you aren’t exhausted, are you doing something wrong? Or maybe right?
Loulou is ten months now and off to daycare in one short month! This is one of the most bittersweet times of your life as a parent. Time to push the young babes into the wild and watch them scream. Sound harsh? Well it is. Daycare is hard. And it doesn’t look like it is going to be any easier the second time around, as Loulou refuses to be held by anyone who didn’t have a direct role in creating her life.

But back to the exhaustion. Could this be the reason I am not losing any sleep about daycare this time around? When W was wee I cried for months leading up to the dreaded day, but dare I say I am ever so slightly excited about Loulou flying the coop? Imagine, a couple hours each day where no one is pulling me or crying or peeing their pants! Of course, these feelings of supposed glee only last for a moment and then guilt comes around. “You are supposed to be torn up about this. You are supposed to want to hug your baby all day,” says the voice inside my head. And I do want to be with her, obviously! But I also want to get to work, and make money (which I can then fork over to daycare — but that is another story).

This whole mat leave has flown by, as they always do, but here I am a little anxious for the next routine to settle in. Breakfast — then quiet — then dinner — then more quiet and some ice cream. Bliss.

As you may have read, I also recently left my job and am embarking on something new (and crazy) which could be fuelling my daycare readiness. Or perhaps knowing how happy and well-adjusted W is brings me comfort. Either way, I am sure I will be bawling with a capital B on the actual morning, but after ten months of nighttime waking and daytime toilet training and making upwards of five distinct meals a day, I am ready to drink coffee (in quiet) and look at Excel spreadsheets for a very long time.

Tightrope Mama

[image source: here]

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