Motherhood
is draining. I am tired. This is nothing new; I am not breaking new ground. But
seriously, if you aren’t exhausted, are you doing something wrong? Or maybe
right?
Loulou is
ten months now and off to daycare in one short month! This is one of the most
bittersweet times of your life as a parent. Time to push the young babes into
the wild and watch them scream. Sound harsh? Well it is. Daycare is hard. And
it doesn’t look like it is going to be any easier the second time around, as
Loulou refuses to be held by anyone who didn’t have a direct role in creating
her life.
But back to
the exhaustion. Could this be the reason I am not losing any sleep about
daycare this time around? When W was wee I cried for months leading up to the
dreaded day, but dare I say I am ever so slightly excited about Loulou flying
the coop? Imagine, a couple hours each day where no one is pulling me or crying
or peeing their pants! Of course, these feelings of supposed glee only last for
a moment and then guilt comes around. “You are supposed to be torn up about
this. You are supposed to want to hug your baby all day,” says the voice inside
my head. And I do want to be with her, obviously! But I also want to get to
work, and make money (which I can then fork over to daycare — but that is
another story).
This whole
mat leave has flown by, as they always do, but here I am a little anxious for
the next routine to settle in. Breakfast — then quiet — then dinner —
then more quiet and some ice cream. Bliss.
As you may
have read, I also recently left my job and am embarking on something new (and
crazy) which could be fuelling my daycare readiness. Or perhaps knowing how
happy and well-adjusted W is brings me comfort. Either way, I am sure I will be
bawling with a capital B on the actual morning, but after ten months of
nighttime waking and daytime toilet training and making upwards of five
distinct meals a day, I am ready to drink coffee (in quiet) and look at Excel
spreadsheets for a very long time.
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