Monday, 18 June 2012
One of my fellow bloggers wrote a beautiful piece about “the moment” she felt okay.
She remembers light streaming through a hospital window, her son on her chest, and
just finally finding some peace. I have been thinking a lot about that since I read her
thoughts. Mostly I have been racking my brain trying to pinpoint the exact moment in my
own life when I felt what she described so eloquently, and I can’t seem to do it.
My hospital experience, like hers, was not exactly what you would call blissful. Nursing
(as you have read) was an utter shit show. Those who know me know that I don’t exactly
embody stillness, so maybe that is why I can’t recall much of anything from my hospital
stay besides blood and milk (gross, but true).
So, instead of comparing my experience to her lovely story, I am looking to the present
for my moments. Since reading her piece I have been noticing the moments in my
day-to-day that make me happiest and calmest. Shockingly, I think my best moment
of the day occurs around 6:45 a.m. I have never been a morning person, but there is
something about waking up to the quiet babbling of your little guy that makes everything
a little better. About 90 percent of mornings he wakes up SUPER happy and ready
to greet the day with the wide-eyed wonder that only a child can muster. I do a quick
stretch and head to his door. I always open it slowly, and am never greeted the same
way twice. Since I have been trying to pay attention (i.e., slow the fuck down), here is a
list of a few cute new words that have greeted me in the last few days:
• “Bottle” came on the morning when evidently milk was on his mind.
• “Soo-sur” (aka soother) came with vehement pointing the day he threw all
THREE soothers onto the floor in the night.
• “Uh-owh” has come quite a few times, but I am not sure why
I then say “Good morning,” and he throws his arms around my neck. We have a quick
snuggle and read a book or play with some annoying sing-song toy that at any other
point in the day I want to send to Value Village. For some reason, in the morning, when
everything is new and I haven’t seen a vile diaper or had to throw out piles of floor food,
I feel like I can handle just about anything. My boy has soft morning hair and still needs
me for simple things, and I am trying to slow down and enjoy that.
I don’t always feel calm or serene, and W isn’t always smiling or clinging to my neck, but
first thing in the morning, before the day creeps in, he is my boy and I am his mom and
we are starting our days together. Thank you for helping me notice that, my dear, sweet