Superwoman

Spare time? Like fuck! In my spare time I try to sleep and eat and occasionally take a shower —though even that all gets short shrift.

I hate superwomen. I survived cancer without missing a beat — and for the most part without
missing a class in my last year of professional school. I had my tumour removed in between
applying and arranging interviews for my post-grad job placement. I did my interviews five days after surgery, on oxi, and landed the placement I wanted. I did chemo while keeping up with course work. I like to think of myself as strong, dedicated, and organized. But being a working mom is impossible.

I am a fighter, I take on any challenge put in front of me, and most of all I LOVED my job — pre-baby. Being a working mom is, and I will say it again, impossible. I now ask myself everyday what the hell I’m doing and why I bother. I buy lottery tickets in the hopes that one day I won’t have to do it all and worry about how to pay the bills. I would probably still do parts of my job voluntarily if I won millions, but I would do so on my own terms and without outside pressure.

I have taken off almost as many days in the last month as I’ve worked. I know this is not an
arrangement that works for me or for my office. I am sure there are co-workers who feel for
me, who help and pick up my slack, but there are also those who resent it. I thought I WAS
superwoman, but I now know she doesn’t exist. She is no more real than the tooth fairy.

Superwoman is a woman who climbs on the backs of other women — her nanny, her cleaning lady, her yoga instructor, and her executive assistant — and then claims victory.

I no longer strive, or believe it is possible, to be a good mother and a superwoman. I choose my baby, to hell with the rest of them, and watch out if you get in my way!

-Sleepwalking Mama

[image: Superwoman. Art by John Sikela. Source: Wikipedia]