A pregnant pause

I had lunch with a friend today; she is pregnant with her first baby. She is in to her
second trimester now and was full of great questions.
Her and I talk a lot and she is a seriously impressive woman – very together, long-
term stable partner, well respected at work. She is funny and warm and poised,
and yet her mothering hormones are coming in full speed ahead and making her
question herself.
What is it about motherhood that makes us do that? Why are we always asking our
selves so many questions? Why can 100 people tell us we will be great moms and
yet we never believe them?

My friend and I were in the middle of a somewhat innocuous discussion about the
pros and cons of your own mother coming to stay after baby arrives when suddenly
her eyes welled up. She looked away and then said quietly, “I worry I won’t be giving
enough.”
That is such a real and truthful emotion and I think it took a lot of courage to say
that out loud. I remember feeling that way, but I had forgotten about it. I remember
my early pregnancy and crying over all the things I had to give up. I was a bit angry
at the thing living in me. So small and yet already so all consuming.
I told my friend to try not to worry too much and to trust in Mother Nature, she
seems to always bring us moms around when it counts. I told her what she is feeling
is normal and that she was brave to talk about it. I told her that her honesty would
help other women by encouraging open dialogue. After all it isn’t always easy to
admit you are worried about your capacity to love your child. It is the opposite of
what most people expect you to say, but often what you may be feeling.

It is difficult to give advice to a pregnant woman; you have to balance honesty with
scaring the life out of them. Everyone says “It’s hard” and “It’s great” but really these
words are pretty empty until it is your own tiny little human that you are looking
at. You don’t want to mislead first-time pregnant friends, and you certainly don’t
want to preach at them, but you do want to try to prepare them. The worry and
the doubt are infinite, and I don’t think they go away. My friend’s eyes looked so
worried today, and she has everything going for her – she will be great. Why do the
same hormones that make us jump in to traffic for our kids also make us so fearful
for their little futures from the moment we even sense their existence?

-Tightrope Mama


[image: etsy]