Something for Ourselves

Sleepingwalking Mama wrote a wonderful exposé on what marriage
can really be like, especially during the holidays. Despite her crazy job and
exhausting schedule, she was able to thoughtfully help her partner with his
issues even while feeling terribly insulted.

I can relate to this. I often feel like the smallest comments are loaded weapons
being pointed at me. Just last night, as my husband was leaving for work, he
said, “This house is growing over itself,” which I took to mean, “It’s a disgusting
mess in here.” I didn’t say anything since he was heading out for his second 12-
hour shift of the day (he’s self-employed) and it WAS a valid point. There are
toys everywhere (no thanks to the people who recently gave us a HOCKEY NET
and an ANTIQUE ROCKING HORSE — seriously, don’t do that, people) and the
Christmas décor is only adding to the chaotic look and colour scheme.

Learning to think and absorb before you speak is not easy to do, but essential.
And while it seems like I am the only one doing this, I am sure my husband
does it too. I am also sure he just does it less frequently than I do. It’s hard —
my toddler can’t control his emotions and is constantly lashing out at me, my
baby can’t speak, and my husband is a stress case. Who am I in all that? The
sounding board? The sponge who soaks it up? The soft place for everyone to
land? The glue that holds it all together?

I think I am all of the above, and no doubt that comes with the territory of wife
and mother. Some days it is just a tough pill to swallow. But as Sleepingwalking
Mama pointed out, it IS an accomplishment to avoid a fight. You should be
proud when even the smallest things are achieved: Tooth brushing! Healthy
dinner! No TV for a day! Sex! These are the accomplishments of a mom/wife. Not
glamorous in any way, but satisfying indeed.

So, this morning, in honour of myself, I blew off a coffee date and stayed home
to write two blog posts. Something I do for myself because part of being a
successful woman is also forcing time into your life for you — however short it
may be. If we don’t do it, this resentment builds and the time bomb fuse gets a
little too short.

-Tightrope Mama


[image: by David Fleck]