Pages

Wednesday 27 February 2013

Goodbye, Sweet Soo-Soo


A friend recently told me a quote she relates to, something along the lines of: “Parenting is one
long goodbye”. So heartbreaking, so true.

Before you can blink, your newborn is on solids and your toddler can ride a bike. Sure we
should celebrate these milestones, but we also mourn a little bit for the baby or child who has
grown up and floated away. Tying shoelaces and zipping snowsuits can be annoying, but it
is also a physical reminder that you, the mom, are needed. You are the provider of all things
comforting and practical. You make the meals for their tummies and protect them from the
cold. But, alas, they grow. And as they grow you prepare them for life by nudging them along
and saying goodbye to things. This past week the soother fairy came, which means W waved
goodbye to his beloved soo-soo and edged ever closer to independence.

My husband was the one who edged this along, as he could no longer stand having full
conversations while W clenched the plastic apparatus between his full mouth of teeth — okay,
so maybe it was time.

I could have almost cried in anticipation of the main event. I was so nervous that my husband
just did it. I came down for breakfast one morning and he mouthed to me, “Don’t mention the
soother.” He later filled me in that, while getting W dressed, he had mentioned that the soother
fairy was going to be coming to take the soother away, and then she would give it to new little
babies who really needed it. W seemed to understand this and apparently handed over his blue
soother.

It wasn’t until nap (long after my husband had left for the day) that loneliness reared its ugly
head. W wanted soo-soo back — badly. He was sobbing and begging me to “go get it.” He
pleaded that he had only given the blue one away and wanted the yellow one to stay in his bed
(actually a logical argument). I stayed strong, fought back tears, and said that they were gone
and the babies were happy with their soothers. He was sobbing, so I left the room. Ten mintues
later I went back and let him watch an entire movie on the couch. There would be no nap.

My husband came home and seemed so happy that it was all going so well. I bit my tongue.
The next day at daycare, W told the teachers MOMMY had taken the soothers away! Great —
Mommy’s fault.

He did cry one or two more times, but less each time, and seven days later he is still asking
about them occasionally. But he knows they aren’t coming back. He seems to have accepted
that that part of his life is over. It’s sad. He’s mature.

This may have been his first encounter with the physical pain of loss. There will be more of it —
high school romance, not making the basketball team, friends moving away or betraying you.
These are the markers of life. I guess as parents we also have to brace ourselves for what is to
come, because if every loss will hurt me this much, I better start toughening up.

Goodbye, sweet soo-soo.


-Tightrope Mama


[image: Stachifier Mustache Pacifier]

No comments:

Post a Comment