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Friday 1 February 2013

Stroller Wars


When the hubby and I were young, newly married hipsters living in our hipster condo in
Hipsterville (kidding; we couldn’t even pass for hipster-wannabes), we went down the street one
day to our favourite hipster bar for a Saturday afternoon cocktail. (Sigh…) Anyways, we were
shocked — SHOCKED — when we discovered that we couldn’t even enter the bar because
there was a goddamned stroller blocking the entrance. Righteously indignant, we huffed off to
the next bar and railed on about strollers. (Not the people bringing babies to the bar, mind you;
we could totally empathize with the need to drink when you have a kid. It was just the blatant
disregard for the needs of others-slash-fire safety that infuriated us.) A couple of days later,
the sandwich board in front of the bar had a snarky comment about strollers on it, and we were
smugly validated.

Fast forward a couple of years. I’ve been home from the hospital with newborn Cookie for a
week. By all reports the early June weather is glorious, but I’ve been confined to the condo and
leaking all over things all week so I wouldn’t know. I’m gagging for a beer (I do need to up the
milk production a bit, is my excuse) and fresh air, so we wrestle Cookie into the sling for the first
time and head to the nearest patio. No one cares, some probably don’t even notice she’s there,
and I have to cut myself off after half a pint ’cause apparently I have some training to do if I’m
ever going to drink like a grown up again. Whoa. Maybe it’s the sun. (BTW, I only ordered half a
pint. Nursing and all. I’m not completely irresponsible.)

Over the next month I go out a few times with friends and Cookie in the sling and nurse a sad
little half pint that warms in the sun. It’s freeing and relaxing and I feel a part of the world again.
Sometimes I get strange looks when people notice the infant in the sling, but most people just
ignore us. After all, we’re hardly in the way, and I stay close enough to home that I can settle up
and race home to nurse if she gets cranky. Win-win.

But eventually we have to take the stroller out. Very aware of the space it takes up, we start to
choose our destinations according to space available for stroller parking. This rules out most
of our favourite hole-in-the-wall bars and cafés. But then we move to the east end, which has
much fewer bars and cafés (at least in walking distance of our place), but the ones that are
there have a bit more space. We frequent a pub that has high chairs and a children’s menu, and
we park the stroller in the dart alley but keep an eye out so that as soon as someone stands and
starts to pull their darts out, I’m moving the stroller before they even notice it’s there. We are
ever mindful of how fucking annoying strollers are.

In my new neighbourhood, things are farther away. We must use transit on occasion. I hate this.
For one thing, you can get the stroller on the bus, but the bus only goes to a subway station
that has no elevator. There’s a subway station nearby that has an elevator, but to get there you
have to take the streetcar. So, either way, you’ll need to rely on the kindness of strangers or
streetcar drivers. There are very few kind strangers or streetcar drivers when you need them, in
my experience.

And now our troubled but beloved transit system doesn’t want our strollers to inconvenience
anyone anymore. They’re considering a maximum number of strollers per vehicle, so that if your
bus comes and there are already two strollers on it, you’ll have to wait for the next bus. Which
could also already have two strollers on it. And then you miss your doctor’s appointment or are
late for daycare drop-off and then work. Or you and your child are just really, really cold and
cranky. Which will make your fellow passengers LOVE you when you do finally get on a bus.

I’m not going to get into the ridiculousness of this idea, or even the arguments for it, some
of which are just as valid. People have already been doing enough of that. So here is one of
my favourites: Heather Mallick’s commentary in the Toronto Star. I particularly love the bit about the retiree who thinks that “parents should plan their day better.” Ha! No amount of planning a day with a baby will ever prevent you from inadvertently ending up
on a streetcar at the worst possible time with the worst possible people. Something will always go wrong.

Thank god we’ve given up on the stroller now. Cookie would rather push it anyways. Good
riddance. And best of luck in the stroller wars, Tightrope Mama!

Update: The transit commission conducted a poll, and the overwhelming majority of
respondents said they didn’t think strollers were a problem. There appears to be a truce, at least
between riders and mothers.

-East End Mama


[image: wooden stroller kid crave]

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