Pages

Wednesday 15 August 2012

Registry Do’s and Don’ts


I’m off to a baby shower this weekend, which has me reflecting on those things
we put on our baby registries that we never touched.

A nursing canopy

A completely laughable item. The word “canopy” makes me think of sitting
in a shady place on a hot day sipping bourbon and lemonade while Johnny
Depp’s character from Chocolat fans me. While, in actuality, a nursing canopy is
equivalent to an X-ray vest for your child. It is hot and uncomfortable, and you’ll
be dying to remove it the whole time it is on. If you have a feisty babe (as I do),
he or she will learn how to rip it off almost immediately and will likely bite you in
the process. Get over it; everyone will see your boob. If you are desperate to be
modest, leave the room. I have nursed on more toilets than I care to count.

A swaddle blanket

As a pregnant mom, you will read about how babes love to be swaddled!
Swaddling is akin to being in heaven, apparently. Well, again, not for my baby.
And I have to admit that as I Velcroed him into his swaddling outfit, it did feel a bit
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest-ish.

If you do happen to have a swaddle addict, I suggest a regular old blanket (which
costs, oh, twenty dollars less, by the way).

A sling carrier

I am sorry; I just never got the hang of this. Wrap him in what? Tie the fabric
where? As much as I liked the idea of being hands-free with babe, that is what
it is: an idea. Babies like to be HELD and CARRIED — and oh yes, they like
breathing, which I always felt seemed a bit arduous in those things.

If you really want to be a hero, here are some things you should buy your friends
for their showers:

My Brest Friend pillow

The ONLY breastfeeding pillow that works — and I tested them all! This thing
was clipped to my waist like a floatation device for about three months straight.

A Sophie Teething Giraffe

Just kidding — she already has seven. Do not buy this item under any
circumstance! But kids DO like it.

A play mat

Preferably one that plays annoying music. This will buy momma time to shower
and make toast for many months.

Food

Frozen lasagna, Starbucks cards, pizza delivery, anything. She will be hungry.

A gift certificate to a nice bra store, preferably with nursing bras

Those things are expensive, and her boobs will change on an almost daily basis.

Large maxi pads

Don’t ask.


-Tightrope Mama


3 comments:

  1. This is HILARIOUS and sooooo true! I started giving gift certificates to local pizza places at baby showers, and bags of coffee. Seems lame, but once you are a Mom, you know it's the freakin' jackpot.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Boxes of diapers, k-cups, pizza place gift cards, and bottles of wine are my go-to:)

    ReplyDelete
  3. hmm, i am intrigued. what is a K cup? Is this something you can only get at Target, and therefore we Canadian are deprived of?

    ReplyDelete