Nine and a Half Dead Giveaways that You're at an All-Woman Conference
1. Swag includes press-on nails and plastic boobs.
2. The conference organizers politely ask that attendees NOT clear their own plates after meals (it makes the servers redundant).
3. Bathroom lineups (obviously).
4. All the booze is white and/or sparkling wine with a hint of peach (could be just an American thing in general).
5. There's a nursing station.
5.5. And children present.
6. "Do you suffer from excessive menstrual bleeding?" is a question you will be asked on the exhibit floor.
7. Lots of women seen carrying their heels and walking barefoot to the shuttle bus.
8. The husbands are the arm candy, not the wives.
9. The presidential suite at the Sheraton is trashed by crafters.
Six Crazy Things People Said This Weekend
1. "The longest line in this place is at the Trojan booth. And I can't even take lube in my carry-on."
2. "Let me buy you a shot. You look like you're worn out."
4. "He was the first guy to go down on me and it was disgusting. I had to take a shower after. Ahh, here's a picture of my daughter!"
5. "Wow! That's deep! Deep humour!" (attributed to Queen Latifah)
6. All the lyrics to Blurred Lines. (entirely inappropriate to play at a women's conference, FYI)
Three Things to Do with Jockey Boob Measurement Swag
Yes! Boob Measurement Swag! Jockey, in a shocking bid to become the most environmentally unfriendly company in America, provided each attendee with multiple plastic boob cups (numbered one to ten) and a measuring tape. They also provided a nifty discount certificate, which was nice, to be fair. But revolutionize bra measurement? One to ten? No more D cup?
While other attendees dumped the unwieldy boob cups in Parlour C, the swag exchange room, we hauled ours back to the Inn of Chicago and pondered.
After some musing, here's how we propose to put them to alternate use:
1. Masks for a theatre production
2. Body augmentation
3. Creamer bowls, card holders, or snack dishes (controversial -- very plasticky! Check first with WHO).
Please, send us your suggestions. Or better yet, send them directly to Jockey!