There has been much drama in
obituary-writing circles as of late over the obituary of Yvonne Brill, which
appeared a couple of months ago in the New
York Times. The first line of Brill’s obit read, “She made a mean beef stroganoff,
followed her husband from job to job and took eight years off from work to
raise three children. ‘The world’s best mom,’ her son Matthew said.”
So, basically, she was a
great wife and mother. Pretty standard fare for a woman of a certain era. Except
that she was also a rocket scientist, and a rather good one at that. In 2011,
she was awarded the National Medal of Technology and Innovation by President
Obama for an outstanding career, which included being the only female rocket
scientist in the United States at one time.
Many have attacked the piece
(saying she was “stroganoffed” — I love it!), and it has since been
amended. The writer was likely attempting to humanize her before listing her mind-boggling
accomplishments, but because his subject was a woman, he only managed to
perpetuate a stereotype.
The thing is, Brill was
probably just as proud of her status as world’s best mom to her son and
fabulous chef to her husband. I’m cringing just writing that, it feels so
wrong, but I have to admit that actually cooking a decent meal that my picky
daughter enthusiastically eats and my complacent husband praises unbidden is a
huge accomplishment for me. It’s challenging, it takes time, and I lack
confidence in my skills. If anyone said of me, “She makes a mean beef
stroganoff,” I’d be inordinately proud. (And a little perplexed, since I’m a
vegetarian.)
But, and it’s a big one, I am
also very proud of my professional accomplishments (few that there are), and
even though both feel the same inside, and I may brag about both equally, those
are the ones I want my daughter to be proud of me for. I’m sure Brill’s son
feels the same way. I’m so happy so many people were upset by this obituary. It
gives me hope.
East End Mama
[image: The Destination by Danny Haas]
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