Discipline and Sexuality

I have been reading up on sexuality for children as of late as my young little Lo
is challenging me in a number of ways. I have been reading The Discipline Book
by William Sears and Martha Sears. I have been reviewing Chapter
18, “Building Healthy Sexuality,” so that I can understand my little Lo’s sexual
urges and masturbation on a daily basis.

So I came across this section of the chapter:

“How a child is disciplined affects, for better or worse, his or her future attitudes
toward sex.”

This sentence stopped me in my tracks!

What does this mean? So the way that we discipline our children informs our
children’s sexuality. I am at a loss. I am now thinking about everything I have
done so far around discipline with Lo. I am also thinking about my own childhood
and my own current sexual life…and to be honest I am freaking out!

The chapter continues to explain:

“Children who receive attachment parenting learn to love and trust because they
have been loved and trusted. A infant who spends many hours a day in arms and
at breast learns to be comfortable touching and being touched.”

So with regards to Lo, this makes me feel really good. Lo was breastfed until he
was 18 months. Even though my mother has shared with me that my “late-term
breastfeeding” has made him “too sexual.” Because he knows what a penis and
a “bagina” are, and he likes to touch his penis and explore others body parts too!

But…when I think of my own childhood, I quiver. I read the rest of the blurb and
die:

“The child who grows up with harsh, abusive correction may take on the abusive
characteristics of the parents or unconsciously look for those qualities in a mate.
The child whose expressivity is squelched by overcontrolling parents may have
difficulty expressing adult sexuality or may use sex as a tool to control or be
controlled by others.”

Okay…so what does this mean for me — what in the hell does this mean for me?
My parents’ generation did not breastfeed, was afraid of physical contact, did
not have intimacy, did not share intimacy with their children — everything was
“private,” and basically my sexual education was left to our gym teachers. I am
basically f*#$ed up sexually.

Thank goodness Lo is fine.


-Gray Mama

[image: from stage show Eonnagata, via thestar.com]