Fabric of Life

I went on a silent retreat a couple of months back. It was completely silent for three
days. I had a very busy 2012, with a number of up and downs that left me tired and
confused. So I was referred to this retreat. It ended up being the best experience I have
had to date.

It was the first time I would be away from Lo for more than 24 hours. My partner would
have to fend for both of them and, yes, I was worried.

My partner thought it would be a great idea to drive me to the retreat with Lo. A kind of
last hurrah! The weather was horrible, Lo was tired, I was dealing with a crisis at work,
and we fought the whole way…right up to the front door of the silent retreat.

Ironic.

As I walked into the retreat, I was bombarded by silence. Quiet, beautiful silence.

The first 24 hours I just slept and ate. Literally! I was surrounded by other people, but it
did not make a difference; we were all there with a common purpose, which was silence.
There was a sense of freedom that I had never experienced. There was a sense of
comfort in the silence. There was no judgment, no awkward moments, no social faux
pas, no fake smiles. I could go on and on.

As I was coming to the end of the weekend, I sat in a room on my own, writing in my
journal and reflecting on the weekend, my life, and what I would do when I returned
home to maintain a bit of silence in my life.

Once I was picked up by my partner and Lo, I realized that, first off, silence is impossible
without actually carving out the time to be in silence. I also realized that I love the noises
of my life — the good and the bad.

It became very clear to me that the different noises and experiences we have create
the fabric of our life. I am finally beginning to figure out how to have a bit balance and
include a bit of colour from all aspects of the colour wheel.

And yes, my fabric is colourful.


-Gray Mama

[image: Grandma's Quilt, by Rachel Caldwell]