Mommy, I Don’t Want to Wear a Diaper to Bed

“Mommy, I don’t want to wear a diaper to bed. It hurts. See?”

“Please leave it on. I’ll loosen it a bit for you.”

“I don’t want to wear a diaper. I want to sleep nakies.”

“Do we really have to talk about this now?”

“I have an idea. You take the white thing off the doorknob, turn on Tinkerbell, I
will use the toilet.”

“I have an idea. If you can get through the night without peeing, I will consider.”

“I need to use the toilet!”

“Right now?”

“Yes.”

“Really.”

“Yes!”

“Okay. But then it’s lights out, okay?”

“Okay.”

Trudge trudge, grumble grumble, hoist hoist, pssssssssssss…

“Wow, you really had to pee.”

Flush trudge hoist, grasp grope fasten.

“Let’s put your jammy pants on.”

“I don’t want to wear a diaper.”

“I’ll tell you what. You get through the night without peeing in your diaper, we’ll
talk about it.”

“Mommy. There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“Okay, but then it’s lights out, okay?”

“I have an idea. You take the white thing off the doorknob, turn on Tinkerbell, and
open the door.”

“Honey, once you are asleep I will turn on the Tinkerbell night light, and when I
go to bed I will open the door, close the baby gate, and open my door so you can
come sleep with me. But first Mommy has stuff to do.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Click. Sing sing sing. Snore snore snore. Tip toe…

“Mommy, turn on Tinkerbell.”

“Go to sleep!”

“Rub my back.”

Sing sing, snore snore, iPhone iPhone, tip toe tip toe, plug plug bing, creak,
creep, shoooop.

Twist twist pop, glug glug, sip sip aaah…..

Click… “Welcome to The Bachelor…” glug glug, droop droop, drag ass, open
doors, click baby gate, snore snore.

Time passes…

“Mommy! The sun came back!”

“Morning, baby. Hey, let’s feel your diaper.”

Grope pull swipe swipe.

“Dry! Guppins! You’re toilet training Mommy, aren’t you?”

“Yah!”

Drive drive, ka-ching ka-ching: Training pants!


-Drama Mama

[image: Sunrise, 1965 by Roy Lichtenstein]