In the Name of the Father

I served W Cheerios (he’s back on to them) yesterday and he folded his hands,
mumbled something about “Thank you for the food,” and said, clear as day, “Amen.” I
shit you not.

This happened.

I must have looked shocked because the look on his face looked like one of guilt (see,
religion = guilt). But seriously, I just smiled and said, “Do you say that at school?”
He nodded and then moved on to talking about Happy Feet 2 (his latest cinematic
obsession).

Cut to: me dropping him off at daycare and asking the teachers. They said they
definitely do not say “Amen,” but they do say a little “something” that to my mind is
technically saying grace.

Here I am, 8 a.m., no bra, baby in car seat with goopy eye, W running off to the sensory
table, not sure what to do. I quickly blurted out, “It's okay, I’m not mad…maybe one of
the other kids says ‘Amen’?”

The teachers, who I genuinely like, talk to me for a few more minutes about what they
DO say and DON’T say and then they ask trepidatious, “Can he say the thank you for
the food bit?”

“Sure,” I say. “But no Amen, no.”

They nod their heads. Then they ask, “What religion are you?”

Oh fuck, here we go. I say, after a pause. “We are nothing.” Well, that didn’t come out
right.

I need to interject here that I was raised Roman Catholic. No bones about it, I was a
reader at church, I went to mass, I was in youth group, the whole nine yards. And you
know what? It was fun. The worst part about it was getting out of bed on Sundays. (I
used to beg my mom to let us stay home and watch TV!)

My husband was baptised but that is the end of it for him, and we were not married in
the church. Although my Catholic upbringing (by my mom only — my dad was “nothing”)
was enjoyable and did shape who I am today, I am just not interested in introducing that
lifestyle to my kids. I don’t want to half-ass it either and only go at Easter and Christmas.
I think you are in or you are out. So we are out, and as a result, “nothing.”

I thought I had a few years (at least until kindergarten) to tackle these big questions. Will
my kids be okay without the compass of the beatitudes? Will they be charitable? Will
they enjoy stale bread and sour wine? So many questions…

Without really delving in to it all, I disagree with a lot of the Catholic churches ideas
— on homosexuality, no women clergy, and abortion, to name only a few. But even
with those reservations, I sometimes battle with teaching them “nothing.” I was defined
by religion and beliefs for a long time. What will define them? Ballet? Music? Is this
possible?

Who knew that one little word could open up years of questions?


-Tightrope Mama